Good bye Mom & Dad!

I used to spend hours googling how to do a better in this job, after all, sneaking online from my parents house wasn’t giving me the best results. I found a few blogs and by chance, met a camgirl that was giving advice to other girls in the industry. Sometimes the universe conspires to give you exactly what you need.

When I got back from my first trip to the U.S I started to see and feel things differently. The whole hiding to be able to get online didn’t feel right anymore. It was absolutely no way to get myself anywhere. I wasn’t comfortable with the space where I was so I decided to move in with the girl I met. It was impossible for me to rent a place for myself back then, so the roommate experience was exactly what I needed.

I didn’t have a penny, not even to afford the truck taking my small bed (my only possession) to her apartment but I was sure things would work out perfectly. It was one of those times when you know everything is going to be alright, but you got no evidence, no proof. Something inside of me kept giving me strength and confidence.

Telling my parents I was leaving wasn’t easy, I’m not sure how things are where you guys are from, but in Colombia, most of the people my age (I was 22 back then) live with their parents. My mom cried, she told me she thought she was going to have me longer then said -“Definitivamente los hijos son prestados”-, which I’m not sure how to translate LOL. My dad hugged me and called my uncles to celebrate that I was becoming a responsible adult.

Leaving my parents house was a goodbye to “Sofi_Angell”. The person taking the camgirl thing serious sounded more like “SofiaStorm”, and ever since then I haven’t changed my name back. I arrived to the cozy apartment with my parents and siblings, every step, every big decision, they were always there. I had 2 small boxes with clothes, a bed and a table my sister gave me. I was really intimidated being away from “home” but I was absolutely sure it was the beginning of something awesome.

The first night at the new place was rough, it was like adulthood hit me for the first time. I had to make sure I’d take being a camgirl seriously. I had to pay rent, buy my own food and make sure I was still maintaining my grades at University but it took me a while to get back on track.

My room was small, the walls were plain white and it had a blue curtain. When I started getting online I wasn’t making tons of money but I earned enough to make it through the days, slowly I started to meet new friends. I was happy, here’s an old screenshot I found, so you can see how happy I was 🙂

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Along the way I had the chance to meet other camgirls, I even went to a conference once to learn more about this industry and how to do better. Being around other girls started reinforcing my beliefs that I wasn’t good at this job, all the girls at that conference were all done up, absolutely gorgeous and then there was me, awkwardly trying to fit in. I started feeling discouraged by seeing the amount of girls way prettier than me making tons of money, I was thinking perhaps I should focus on doing something else, but the responsibilities made me stay and try my best to enjoy it.

I stayed with my roommate for about a year, then finally got the courage to get my own place, it was my dream apartment right next to my university on the 17th floor. Being on my own was even a bigger responsibility but with time I made it work. I met awesome people on MyFreeCams and all of the sudden everything was going great for me. New house, new life, I even got a precious dog. Life was going awesome and work was going better than ever. (Pic of my first week online after I moved)

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After about 2 months of happiness and feeling like I owned the world I started freaking out about college, I was just about to finish all my grades and the next 2 years were going to be about practical work or as I said “working for free”. On average, a psychologist makes around $1,000 USD a month in Colombia, but if you’re starting, you probably make half of it if you’re lucky, but more than likely less.

At the time I was making around $8,000 USD per month, if I kept going to school, it’d mean I’d have to take a lot of time off to do the practical work and still I’d have to go to University, I had to choose between finishing my career as a psychologist or starting a full time one as a camgirl. My final decision wasn’t hard to make at all.

I didn’t really have close friends at University, I never did. So leaving without telling anyone wasn’t much of a challenge. I started putting all my focus and attention on my job and started seeing better results, but every day I was becoming more and more isolated. In my case it is hard to make friends in what I call “the real word”, most people make conversation about what they do for a living and back then I wasn’t ready to tell anyone –“I take my clothes off for money on the internet”-. Life started getting really lonely.

My way to handle the isolation and loneliness ended up teaching me a lot of life lessons that I’m grateful for today. I became really close with some of the members on the site, developed feelings and all kinds of emotions. Things started to feel “too real” but I guess all I wanted was a friend, someone to talk to and maybe feel normal? I don’t even know how to call my stupidity from a few years ago. I got blinded by my own emotions and my need to connect with people that I agreed to meet some guys in person and meeting guys face to face rarely ends well from my own experience.

Many things happened, things I’ve never spoken about before. I found myself having to go to the police multiple times, life became a nightmare after being abused physically and mentally by a member from the site. My family suffered harassment and many times I felt like my life was in danger. The stalker experience was absolutely the most traumatic experience I’ve had in my life. I’m really grateful everything ended after filling a lot paperwork and giving evidence it in a court house in the USA. That’s indeed one of the darkest moments of my life as a camgirl.

On the other hand, besides all the mentally unstable people in this world, I can confidently say that I made pretty awesome friends in this community, my heart feels warm when I think about the times we share our life experiences together and connect in a environment where we all feel safe.

At the beginning of 2017 I decided that I wanted to leave Colombia, I had my apartment with everything I’d always wanted, I had my dream car, my dream life but I knew it was time to move to the next step, I had this burning desire for a new life. I’ve grown up in an environment where you’re scared of everything, I felt unsafe driving, walking my dogs or even crossing the street to go to the mall. In my heart I knew Colombia wasn’t my home anymore. I gave away everything I owned and worked so hard to get, but with the help of an friend I had in the USA I got a place in a small town in New England and again, it was time to say “good bye” to my parents, It was going to be way more difficult to visit them now.

I cried the whole way from Aeropuerto Internacional El Dorado till I made it to JFK International Airport. Seeing the sad look in grandma’s eyes broke my heart, leaving Colombia was a mix of tears and excitement that I remember with nostalgia. Being away from everything and everyone I knew was a challenge. A whole new life was waiting for me and I was ready to achieve another one of my everlasting dreams… to live in America.

 

 

 

 

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8 Comments

  1. Sofia, it seems you have taken the advice of one of my Professors as he advised me, many decades ago, to write about what I knew or have experienced. You express yourself so wonderfully– always genuinely and from the depths of your heart and soul. I felt your anxiety, sadness, excitement and exhilaration and I couldn’t help but root for you to overcome all obstacles—-not to mention I wanted to hunt down those miserable SOB’s and inflict a world of hurt on those that tormented and traumatized you!

    I will always feel privileged to have been able to know you and to have earned your friendship…May you always live your dream!

    i

  2. Great to seeing you writing again. Always a pleasure reading your experience. So happy to be your friend. ❤️

  3. Sofia, it seems you have taken the advice of one of my Professors as he advised me, many decades ago, to write about what I knew or have experienced. You express yourself so wonderfully– always genuinely and from the depths of your heart and soul. I felt your anxiety, sadness, excitement and exhilaration and I couldn’t help but root for you to overcome all obstacles—-not to mention I wanted to hunt down those miserable SOB’s and inflict a world of hurt on those that tormented and traumatized you!This is an amazing and motivational story. You are an amazing person

    I will always feel privileged to have been able to know you and to have earned your friendship…May you always live your dream!

  4. I’m trying to catch up with your blogs but this one is the perfect story of growing up and in to your own. made me tear up for your family and you as you went to say bye. (My grandmom Ann told me never to say goodbye because goodbyes are forever.) than my heart started racing and I was filled with rage because you had to meet an asshole. but then the story was completed with the happy ending with your new adventure in America. You could turn your life into a best selling book or even a movie cause you have done so much and been through so many things. Well as always, I’m here for you always. Love you.

  5. I find it, with my autism, difficult to give justice to the beauty and sincerity and heartfeltness of your writing Sofia! It is not easy leaving home, but you are a strong and very capable person who has done so amazingly well for yourself! You have been through a heck of a lot from your blogs and come though and grown so much. I guess this is part of life. I am sorry you went through this experience with this piece of dirt and shit who treated you that way. I am so glad you showed him up and stood up to him. And came through it all. You do yourself down over the prettiness. You are a very beautiful person both in appearance and in the way you treat many people. Don’t ever forget that! Even at times when things seem distant, we know you will always be with us, and you come to us after while with such a beautiful message and spirit. You put so much heart and soul into everything, and are such an interesting and fun person!

    Rest assured, I will always feel an honour to know you and respect you as a great friend. It is special to have you in our lives.

    You could write a book, as Joe says, or do anything you want, Sofia! You could be a teacher, or an artist! You have a brilliant way with gifs on snapchat. Keep developing yourself as a pertson and the world is your oyster! I hope that sounds good

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