I like to believe that a new person was born the second she closed the door. I opened a new tab on the computer for Google Translator while reading a few people type in the chatroom “hi Sofia”. It was the first time someone called me that, that wasn’t me, not yet at least, it wasn’t the name my parents gave me but it was the name I chose for my new life. The beginning of a new me.
I saw more tips coming and took off the top of my lingerie set in the most awkward and uncomfortable way. I was there, topless, confused and vulnerable without saying a word, just typing “thanks” every time a guy would give me a tip, covering my breasts with my hands and long hair, I was shaking the whole time. After about 2 hours I left, I had to go to University to get my payments sorted out. I made a total of 1047 Tokens on my first day, it was about $52, almost $150,000 Colombian Pesos, the same amount of money I’d make working at any job I had previously for about 5 days, of course the studio would take half of it, but the money was still good.
After leaving work that day I kept saying to myself -“This is easy money”-, I was happy and excited thinking about how much more I could make in about a week, a month, a year, but the reality is, that I just got a lucky day, most days I’d be happy making half of it. I was scheduled to work between 7am till 1pm with the option of taking one day off per week, that allowed me to go to University in the afternoons and soon enough my new routine started. The following days weren’t as easy, most of the days I was able to make only 300 Tokens $15 and I’d get only half of it, meaning for 6 hours online I’d make about $7,50. Thinking about that number now in 2018, after all I’ve been through seems scary, but at the time that was actually pretty good for me.
It took me a couple of weeks to start meeting guys, made one or two friends that would come to see me everyday, it was always the highlight of my day knowing someone would be there to keep me company. Slowly I started feeling comfortable in my own skin, I always thought I was too ugly, too fat, too pale, I thought my boobs were too small, and a bunch of crap I heard from other people and thought was true. It felt like the guys saw me with different eyes, it took me months to believe my body is good the way it is, the journey of falling in love with myself began with “Sofia”.
Life was going good, I was finally at university meeting all these amazing people that wanted to make the world a better place. I was so passionate about being a psychologist, I was a bookworm, did all my homework, read every book, etc. However, the whole time I felt bad. I couldn’t be honest about where I worked or what I do with any of my new friends. I was afraid of being judged, I was terrified everyone there would find out and make jokes about me. I kept it secret and those secrets never allowed me to get close to anyone, I felt like I couldn’t have a true friend anymore. I decided to try be friends with girls in the studio, but there were not many girls in the morning, maybe no one wanted to work those hours or the place wasn’t that popular. I never told my boyfriend what I was doing, so I kept it all to myself for a very long time.
Once the guy I was dating used my laptop to enter Facebook but guess what? He forgot to logout and I am a very curious person, as you can imagine I did the wrong, creepy, stalker thing checking his messages and found conversations with our high school friends saying nasty things. He told a few guys how much of a freak I’m in the bedroom, how I like it rough and hard and he couldn’t keep up with me (yes, the same boyfriend that fell asleep on me every time and btw, we never had any sexual interaction) I found other conversations of him denying our relationship, telling some people he just made a bet to be with me and that was about it, other messages to his ex begging her to be back with him and many others I don’t even want to think about. It’s hard to describe what I felt that night, I cried a little, closed the laptop and wrote for hours in my diary. By the end of the night I came to the conclusion that I was free again. No more BF bullshit, I was by myself ready to take the world and make it mine.
The next day I took a break while I was online to call him, I wanted to get him to confess, and he did, we broke up that day and that was the last time we spoke. What I didn’t know is that my boss was listening to my conversation from outside the room. He acted weird sometimes, I knew for a fact he saw me when I was online, he’d made comments about the lighting, the lingerie I was wearing or the conversations I had with the guys, it was like there was no privacy. That day he knocked on the door and asked to come in because we needed to speak, I covered myself in a sheet, I wasn’t wearing more than small lingerie. He came in and sat on the couch with me, -“I heard you finally broke with your little boyfriend”- he said, I nodded. He started giving me a speech about the beauty of being single, his body was getting way too close to mine, he told me how pretty I was and rubbed his thumb on my lips while telling me how much he loves when I use red lipstick and how glad he is I no longer have a boyfriend so I can focus more on my work. I didn’t say a word, I was paralyzed. He told me to keep going with my duties and left, but I knew it was time to go, my days in the studio were over. I lasted there no more than 2 months, it was a great start but I no longer felt safe there, I told my friends from the site I was going to open an account independently, they were very supportive. I picked up my stuff on a Friday night and never went back, not even to get my last payment.
I lived with my parents back then, in a house that was always filled with people coming and going. My laptop was old and I didn’t have a proper webcam, but I was more than ready to start, the new adventure was going to sneak on MyFreeCams with my parents, uncles and grandma in the house 24/7, it was the silliest and most amazing decision I ever made. I was no longer “SofiaTeen” (My camgirl name at the studio) I was ready to be “SofiAngell” a new phase, a new me and of course, I wasn’t sharing 50% of my earnings with no one.
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